phoenyx_13

Just a quote for the moment

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 11:53:30 GMT

"You cannot control the world outside,
but you can choose what you will bring into yourself.
If you do not see anything of value in your life,
begin by finding one thing of beauty every day until it becomes a habit."
— Ron Rathbun

Add one name to the list of my heroes

Tue, 08 Jan 2008 03:43:25 GMT

It's Tony Kyle, my spouse of almost 26 years. Today, he found an injured robin at work. The poor little bird could not walk straight or hold its head up. He called me almost in tears and I told him to call Dr. Wright.

Dr. Wright's office referred us to a vet clinic right across the street from where Tony works. They took the bird for free and promised to help in whatever way they could. Tony's suspecting that tonight the little robin is flying with the angels.

Some people would have just seen the bird and 'let nature take its course.' I know God watches over even the sparrows--but I think he's put us on this Earth to be kind to His creatures as well.

Are not two sparrows sold for a cent? And yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. Matthew 10:29

This is not the first, nor do I suspect it will be the last, time that Tony's done something heroic to save an animal in need. He's run out in traffic when a lady's dogs skipped their leads, grabbed a dinner plate sized turtle off the road, just done a lot of kindness. He's a very good man.

Didn't get a Werd in the Top 15, but I did get 4 werds of the Day

Thu, 03 Jan 2008 21:59:59 GMT

The Addictionary.org is pleased to announce our top 15 WERDS of 2007! Thanks to all our loyal contributors for making it a memorable year. Keep those werds coming!

Following are the top 15 Addictionary werds of 2007.

15. petophile <http://addictionary.org/browse/word/view/?w=2383&word=petophile> (n) – A person that cannot stand to see an animal go homeless and feels compelled to adopt every stray.

14. oncallogist <http://addictionary.org/browse/word/view/?w=283&word=oncallogist> (n) – A doctor who is on call all the time

13. AlGoreaphobia <http://addictionary.org/browse/word/view/?w=1208&word=algoreaphobia> (n) – The irrational fear of Al Gore

12. stalkarazzi <http://addictionary.org/browse/word/view/?w=1893&word=stalkarazzi> (n) – Photographers who stalk celebrities

11. preciprocate <http://addictionary.org/browse/word/view/?w=1876&word=preciprocate> (v) – To do someone a small favor in anticipation of them doing you an even bigger favor in return

10. Spielburb <http://addictionary.org/browse/word/view/?w=2015&word=spielburb> (n) – A bland, monochromatic (typically beige) suburban tract, akin to those frequently depicted in Steven Spielberg movies

9. badolescent <http://addictionary.org/browse/word/view/?w=926&word=badolescent> (n) – A misbehaving teenager

8. addadictomy <http://addictionary.org/browse/word/view/?w=1188&word=addadictomy> (n) – Surgical procedure performed on a female patient who desires to change gender

7. clandestination <http://addictionary.org/browse/word/view/?w=662&word=clandestination> (n) – 1) A secret stopover on a trip; 2) A vacation hideaway; 3) A country so remote no one can find it

6. agnostoholic <http://addictionary.org/browse/word/view/?w=2187&word=agnostoholic> (n) – One who takes an "I'll believe it when I see it" or "prove it" attitude to everything

5. lexecutioner <http://addictionary.org/browse/word/view/?w=774&word=lexecutioner> (n) – A person with a particular knack for butchering language

4. narcisexual <http://addictionary.org/browse/word/view/?w=1955&word=narcisexual> (n) – One who is extremely attracted to oneself

3. injurwii <http://addictionary.org/browse/word/view/?w=2192&word=injurwii> (n) – An injury sustained while playing Wii

2. strawphylactic <http://addictionary.org/browse/word/view/?w=1601&word=strawphylactic> (n) – The little piece of paper that a server leaves on the end of a straw in a non-alcoholic drink

1. bromance <http://addictionary.org/browse/word/view/?w=431&word=bromance> (n) – The heterosexual relationship between two men who are together constantly

The Upside of Alzheimers

Thu, 03 Jan 2008 19:59:36 GMT

I just got off the phone with Aunt Jeanne. Uncle Dick's dementia is progressing far more rapidly than any of us imagined or hoped. He now needs 24-hour attendance.

It's a crime for such a wonderfully engaging mind to be lost like this. The stories he could have told--of the navy, of Colorado tourism, of police work...

An ironic and bittersweet upside is that he no longer remembers he hates broccoli. LOL! Somewhere, something regarding personal preferences reset and he's trying all kinds of things he wouldn't do before.

This sounds like such a "Pollyanna" post for me, but I had to share the odd laughter along with the tears.

I remember one of Cousin Tom's headache provoking questions regarding his mother-in-law, who also has dementia. I don't remember precisely how Tom phrased it, but he said:

"You're caring for someone with Alzheimer's. You know they are not going to remember what you do for them. You would not do anything abusive in any way, but do you take their preferences as seriously as you would when they could remember?"

I had to answer that I'd have to do what I could live with. I don't have to please anyone all of the time, but I would still take her pleasure in the moment into account as much as I could--because 'in the moment' pleasure was maybe all she'd get.

UGH--in the moment pleasure over broccoli. That's one of the few things George Bush, Sr. and I ever agreed on!

Something else to look forward to--NEW BOOKS!

Wed, 02 Jan 2008 18:48:48 GMT

Guess what's waiting for me at B&N!!!!! Mwaa haa haa!!!!

Iron Kissed--Patricia Briggs
Kitty--Carrie Vaughn

PLUS:

1/29/08--Unquiet Dreams—Marc Del Franco
2/26/08—Madhouse—Rob Thurman
2/26/08—The Outlaw Demon Wails—Kim Harrison
4/1/08—The King’s Bastard—CE Murphy
4/1/08—Magic Burns—Ilona Andrews
5/6/08—From Dead to Worse—Charlaine Harris

Go Tartar!!!

Wed, 02 Jan 2008 14:43:36 GMT

I laughed so hard when I saw Tara in the bathtub last night chasing her tail. She'd capture that snaky tail against the side of the tub and try to snatch it. And she plays now. She's doing so well, I am very impressed and proud of her.

Okay, I really am now thinking that weight loss is possible and desirable. My cat is my inspiration. LOL!

Got 3 Amazon reviews written yesterday, which is a great start on my 1000.

Today, I'm going to try to check out my own writing and I have a challenge to write up.

Happy New Year

Tue, 01 Jan 2008 13:43:37 GMT

I didn't wake up in a good frame of mind. Well, honestly, I never do, but the 'heating system' in this house is beyond ridiculous. I'm not quite sure what to do about sleeping hot now. I guess I'm opening the vent in my office and letting my legs freeze so I can sleep cooler. Currently, that seems to be the only sensible option. Meanwhile, Tony's cold in the master.

I already started my third year in Knoxville back November 16. No, I don't feel any better about being here.

Do I have a bad attitude? Yes, obviously, but I also have bad experience and I know a bad fit when I feel it, too.

It's the Stephen Covey analogy where he selects a member of the audience in order to prove a point about adjusting to corporate culture and gives her someone else's glasses and then harangues her to get her to accept them. This particular woman tells him, in front of his audience:

no, I cannot see,
no, it won't get better,
no, I don't need to get a better attitude, I need to get these glasses off.

Covey's trying to get the woman to accept what she cannot--he says in most cases, everyone else has just gone along. That lady is my shero. In front of everyone she stuck to her guns.

I don't want to just go along with Knoxville. I'll do my best to get along, but if I can do anything to shorten my stay here, I will.

Well, why should I live here--or even want to? I feel better elsewhere. The dizzies didn't plague me in either Oklahoma City or Nashville. I have some faint hope that I'll feel decent elsewhere. That's better than looking forward to a life of reeling and nausea.

Looking forward---we do have tickets to five concerts so I have given myself something to look forward to. I'd cheerfully give them away to get out of here, but hey--if I'm here, I'll have all the fun I can:

Emmylou Harris, Patty Griffin, Shawn Colvin and Buddy Miller--January 12

Richard Thompson--January 21

The Indigo Girls--February 10

Gordon Lightfoot--February 11

BB King--March 29

RESOLUTIONS: Yes, I am making them. Whew--so what am I going to do?

1. Do 1000 Amazon Reviews this year. I am currently calling my number 860. There are some reviews from December 31 that have not shown up, but this takes into account the email I will have to write to Customer Service to get them put up, etc. I want to get back to reading books instead of spending so much time on the Mac just idling.

2. Exercise at least 2 hours a week and be mindful of what I eat. Yes, I want to lose weight and feel healthier. No, I am not stupid enough to say I'll lose X pounds, do the impossible. Setting hopefully reasonable and attainable goals, here. Right now, I wear a size 20 pant and I want to be at least two sizes less than that. Weight number, I probably don't want to know. I can tell you I weigh right now more than I ever have and it's depressive and futile eating--foodicide as it were.

3. Get a novel written and hopefully into submission. That's probably "Killer in the Kudzu" formerly "Serial." I'm hoping for more writing achievements than this and I honestly believe that RWU is the place to get there. To that end, I am writing the document to get Barbara's and my work separated and getting her to sign it before "Sweeney Todd" today.

4. Get another 100 werds into Addictionary.org. The activity is fun and I seriously think it's worthwhile. Who knows? I could actually end up with a word in Merriam-Webster. Doubt anyone would credit little old moi, but hey, it's still worth a try.

5. Get the doll mess cleaned up. I didn't pack the dolls up right, the basement has not worked as a doll room, I'm not sure I like the diningroom as a dollroom, etc. This may be the year that many of them are gone. I love my dolls and I have enjoyed the hobby, but this house and the display problems are forcing a decision and it's going to fall towards reducing.
6. Work on mind-body-spirit balance. I'm not sure what that means or entails, I'm opening that one up to the Universe and figuring I'll get some whacky, quacky and hopefully, useful, ideas as well.

What else? I can't think of anything. I have opened the damn 'heat' vent up and I'm already shivering, so I have go get a hot shower and get dressed.

Next on the agenda is the Writing Divorce Paperwork for Barbara....

Good day

Tue, 25 Dec 2007 02:29:16 GMT

SPRAWLIDAYS was werd of the day. Someone told me it ended up on her local radio station. How cool is that?

I saw "I Am Legend" and "Charlie Wilson's War." I liked Charlie best.

Cindy sent me a birthday song for the last 12 days. Here it is:

It's to the tune of "12 Days of Christmas" and the crazy, wonderful lady sent it to me for the past 12 days! This is a keeper!

On the twelvth day after Bex' big dayyyy,

her Hoosier buddy sent to herrrr,

TWELVE hopping bunnies!!!!! (OMG we all know how THEY breed!!!)

Eleven flying squirelssssssssssssss,

Ten bumbling bearssssssssssss,

Nine screeching screech owls,

Eight hisssssssssssing snakes,

Seven howling coyotesssssssssssssss,

Six chittering raccoonssssssss,

FIVE JUNIOR CATSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!

Four chuckling hyenassssssssss,

Three raucous parrotsssss,

Two meowin' meezerssssssss,

And a VERY BAD headache from the singin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, and my challenge ended up being 2500 words long! GO ME!

Got 2 out of the Top 10 Werds this Christmas!

Sat, 22 Dec 2007 05:09:07 GMT

They had a contest this year with the winner getting an iPhone. I had two werds in the top 10, but didn't win. Still, I'm pretty happy about it. Want to see the werds? Here they are:

10. Jinglebills (n) – The large credit card bills that come in right after the Christmas shopping season

9. Santa cause (n) – A Christmas gift in which a donation to a charitable cause is given in the recipient's name

8. eggsnog (n) – A person who has had too much eggnog and wants to kiss anyone and everyone

7. wrapalanche (n) – The mountain of discarded wrapping paper and ribbons on Christmas morning

6. mistleshmoe (n) – The office drone who lurks in the doorway at holiday parties looking to get lucky

5. sprawlidays (n) – The festive occasion when the male members of a family become one with the living room couch

4. Clicksmas (n) – The act of doing all holiday planning, shopping and/or socializing online

3. Excessmas (n) – 1) The act of striving to achieve that "special holiday feeling" through excessive holiday spending 3) Too much holiday decoration. 4) Too much holiday celebration with food and/or adult beverages

2. tannenbomb (n) – The explosion of lights and ornaments hitting the floor after the cat attempts to climb the Christmas tree

And the winner of The Addictionary Holidaze'07 Lingo contest, submitted by New Yorker Walter Quinn:

1. Auld Lanxiety (n) – The angst one feels every December 31 upon the realization that one didn't keep any of last year's resolutions

Mine were EGGSNOG and SPRAWLIDAYS

The scream in the night...

Fri, 21 Dec 2007 19:02:32 GMT

My first, but longtime ex-best friend was Sarah. In our freshman year, her family joined the White Flight out of the city to BFE, so Sarah could be in a safer, drug-free, white bread school.

Sarah's was an odd family. Matriarch was Sarah’s Grandma. Grandma had four daughters. Three got married. All of them ended up divorcing their husbands for one reason or another and moving back home to Mama.

At that time, Grandma, Sarah's Mom, an aunt, and Sarah lived in the house.

Aunt Mary lived out in the yard in a small trailer. She waitressed in the city and often stayed there when she had close shifts because the commute was about an hour each way.

One weekend when I got to come down, Sarah and I got the trailer to stay in. Sort of a girls’ camp out, if you know what I mean.

Well, things were going great. We were having a good time, watching scary movies and drinking hot chocolate, and doing teenaged girl stuff.

It’s midnight and we’re still going strong—but there’s a lull in the merriment. No stereo, TV...

Outside, we hear a scream.

My first thought is some crazy redneck is slaughtering Sarah’s family. She’s too scared to go out, so I give her the phone and tell her to wait by the open door (I needed the light to get back to the house).

It’s dark, it’s scary—but I head toward the house to see if there’s any way to know what’s happening.

SCREAM!

I realize two things. That scream is nowhere near the house and I’m scared to death.

The trailer door slams.

I’m running back and pounding on the door. Sarah finally lets me in. She was so scared, she shut me out. Yeah, it was not a joke on me—she didn’t have the guts to open the door to let her best friend back in.

Later, we learned what we heard was a screech owl. We laughed about it then.

Of course, I also learned that I couldn’t trust Sarah. She was not the kind of friend I wanted at my back.

The story is both funny and poignant now.

Best compliments

Thu, 20 Dec 2007 20:06:52 GMT

LUCY:

You're so funny, I don't read your posts without Depends and my asthma inhaler.

MONIKA:

What doll she wants for Christmas:

A Tex-Becky that eats alone, cries, pooes and says "some achieve sh*t!" Mwahahahah!!!

Yeah, I'm twisted, but if you are reading this, you already know that.

Christmas Wrappin'

Wed, 19 Dec 2007 11:01:27 GMT

What was I thinking when I agreed to help wrap Christmas gifts for Siamese Rescue at Barnes and Noble? Since I had to wrap my own gifts as a kid, I pretty much hate wrapping. I'm the one who takes all my stuff to organizations like that and donates $$$ so I don't have to wrap.

I can't remember the last gift I have wrapped....

I wanted to call in sick, but I gave my word--and Siamese Rescue is one of the best rescue organizations I know of. So...I went.

The first person was a sweet guy I knew was fandom pretty quickly. We talked about Weird Al as I awkwardly wrapped adn he helped--bless him. I wish I had gotten his name. I hope I run into him again.

And it was easy after him...

There was the family from New Orleans who lost everything to Katrina. They talked about being in a LA convent for 2 months, but the whole family was there and it was like a big slumber party. Then, they were relocated to Knoxville. They spent 2 months in the Hilton, some more time in an apartment, and finally were able to get a new home this year for Christmas. Sweet Dad and his two little girls buying gifts for their wife-Mom.

And the older lady with her two cats, rescued, of course. She just came by to donate and chat.

And the little lady who opened the emergency door. Another sweetie.

I needed that. My encounters with Knoxvillians have been chance and often not pleasant--people tripping over my cane, etc. This was a totally different and positive interaction.

K-town is still not home, but I feel more at home. Turns out one of the best Christmas gifts I got this year was the joy of giving. Well, no big surprise--it usually is.

Interruptions

Tue, 18 Dec 2007 12:24:06 GMT

There are two kinds of people in this world. Those who think couples-friends who finish each others' sentences are 'cute' and those who wonder what they'd accomplish if they really listened to each other instead of anticipating what they'd say. I suspect the 'cute' voters are interrupters and the latter are those who've had their own thoughts cut off in mid-sentence.

"Speak up even if your voice is shaking" is a bumper sticker I should have gotten. Took me a long time to do that--well, as a kid, my father did his level best to teach me that resistance was futile.

The problem is--now that I am trying my best to speak up, I often feel like people are just not listening.

It's taken me a long time to like myself and realize that the crap I've gone to while not giving me polish, might actually have imposed the beginning of luster. God really doesn't mess with dross...

What I wish I could say...

Please allow me to shine on my own instead of reflecting yourself on me.

Rambo

Sun, 09 Dec 2007 00:35:15 GMT

He's our elder cat, 18.5 now. That's somewhere between 88-91 in 'people years'.

In case anyone wants to know--21 years for the first year of cat's life, plus 4 years for each successive year.

Thursday night--he cried most of the night from 9:30 to 3:30. We took him to the vet and his CK enzymes are high, which is indicative of pain. Also, his BUN is 65, which is indicative of beginning stage renal failure in cats.

He got a second Meticam shot for the week, KD to eat, and we're now watching his kidneys.

Good news: the Meticam seems to be working. He hasn't cried except a bit last night and Tony thinks he got 'lost'. He actually ate last night, although he didn't eat the KD--the Meezers seem to like it, but he just sniffed and walked away. He's thrown up twice--which is kind of usual for the Meticam--it's a strong NSAID.

Bad news: the food situation. I feed higher protein food, which isn't good for him. Given a choice between his regular food and the KD, he took his regular food.

Okay, he's old, damnit. At what point do I stop palliative measures and just make him comfortable? Do I switch everyone to this food--after I've fought to find good foods to give, the right amount to feed them, etc?

First, I wasn't to worry about his weight. He's old. Give him food if the bowl is empty. Make him comfortable.
Then, he loses weight and gains some back. My bad, I was trying to re-adjust the mix so the cats get the food they liked. My bad, obviously.
So, I had to take a half pound off him. Maybe I should have just given him a bath and a really good combing damnit that might have done it.
So, he's lost 4 ounces. One vet says I'm doing good.
Now, I've got to switch food--and WTF about the other 3 cats?
And--if the bowl is empty and he's crying for food--do I feed him or ignore him?
I don't have WORDS for how I feel about the whole damn situation--expletives don't even express it.

Of course, one vet told me this. Dr. Wright may totally change what's been said when he gets back.

The one thing I used to envy about animals is when things got too hard, they could be put to sleep. Not anymore, sadly. It just feels like we fight for every minute and I'm not sure where the line between quality and quantity is here.

Parents

Thu, 06 Dec 2007 18:54:56 GMT

People want something perfect in kids, some fulfillment of their own dreams and inadequacies. They‚re not capable of dealing with their children‚s humanity anymore than they are of dealing with their own.

Becky Kyle---2007

A friend told me this was profound. I'm saving it here.

And the answers are in

Wed, 05 Dec 2007 17:29:30 GMT

A friend asked me to take a few quizzes. Here they are:

1. Name your favorite color and use as many adjectives as you can to describe as much as you can how you feel about it.
2. Name your favorite animal and use as many adjectives as you can to describe as much as you can how you feel about that animal.
3. Name your favorite body of water and use as many adjectives as you can to describe as much as you can how you feel about that body of water.
4. Imagine yourself in a completely white room. Now--describe how you feel about this.

My answers and the explanations of those answers will follow.

The Evolution of the Turkey Sandwich

Mon, 26 Nov 2007 20:59:16 GMT

I've always loved turkey. Growing up, I was the only member of my family who actually liked turkey and if I wanted it, I cooked it from about age 8 on. Yeah, me cook--big shock. The truth was, it was better than a nothing or a turkey TV dinner, so I just knuckled under and did it.

Of course, I had leftovers. Nobody but me liked the turkey and I better eat it. Nothing going to waste in this case--or I wouldn't get more.

I know there's lots of things you can do with turkey: meatloaf, soup, tetrazinni, etc. I liked sandwiches then and I still like them now.

The first turkey sandwich I liked was just plain old yellow mustard on white Wonder Bread---I wonder if they called it Wonder because you had to guess what was in it? LOL!

Next, I discovered "mayonnaise". Okay, it was Miracle Whip, but I thought It was mayo. Imagine my dismay when I got my first taste of 'real' mayo. EWWW! I still feel pretty much the same way about it, too. LOL!

With the advent of Miracle Whip, I got a bit more sophisticated. I added Swiss cheese to the mix. Then iceberg lettuce and sometimes a ring or two of green bell peppers.

But I outgrew white bread. Why I didn't do it sooner, I don't know. Somewhere down the line i realized there was better bread than what must have been a slightly drier formula than paste.

Wheat Berry and its conbreaderates came into my life...

I got a bit more daring--sliced gherkins and sharp cheddar got added.

Well and what about RAISIN BREAD?

Back in Oregon, I had an "Honest Turkey Sandwich". It had CRANBERRY SAUCE on it--and IT WAS GOOD!

Now, it's raisin bread, Miracle whip, cranberry sauce, sharp cheddar or swiss and of course turkey.....

Wonder what I'll come up with next???

Autobiographical fiction

Sat, 24 Nov 2007 00:12:31 GMT

There's a disturbing trend in today's fiction for a noted professional in a particular field to write alledged fiction that's so close to their own real lives you wonder whether the made-up portions are simply wish fulfillment. More than once, I've read a diatribe where the fictional character is 'grinding the author's axe.'

Just recently, I read a novella length thriller where 10 pages were devoted to a side story that didn't forward the plot. When I mentioned this to the writer, he said--"but I was trying to show this happened in my life."

More to say---I have to think of the rest!

Writer's Block: Giving Thanks

Tue, 20 Nov 2007 03:50:21 GMT

1. My husband--I don't know why he keeps me, but he's been the one constant in my life and I'm grateful for his kindness and love for me.
2. My cats--there are days that feeding the Furry Four is the only thing that gets me up in the morning. There's Reese with his soulful eyes, who's been in touch with my previous cats, I'm sure. There's Tara, who's known a life of hardship and despite her anxiety seeks to give love and care to others. There's Heather, who is a bright light even in a grey day. There's Rambo, the old man, who keeps on going despite old age and pain. He's not my favorite cat, but I so admire his spirit.
3. friends and family--okay so why are cats higher? They love me almost all the time and even when I have pissed Reese off I can buy him off with a tuna flake or two. Can't do that with a pissed off friend. Honestly, I try not to hurt or anger anyone--but animals really do love you even when you're unlovely, unhappy, unsociable, etc--humans often do not. And why are friends first? Because the best folks in my family are also my friends and don't treat me with the old "mac front" we joke about in Mom's family.
4. Music--it was my first love and it will be my last, that's a theft from John Miles and he was right. Music is my Prozac, my refuge. I don't worship music or musicians, but religion has not done as much for me as music has.
5. Spirituality--my Southern Baptist forebears would not recognize what I feel as religion, but I do believe that there is more than just us in this life--and more than one faith with right ideas.
6. Rainbows--they have come in my life at times of trials and added a bit of beauty to a rainy colorless world. Whether they're a visible symbol of God's promise or simply light bending, they're amazing and they bring me joy every time I see them.
7. Trees--they're still some of the most beautiful creations of nature I have ever seen.
8. Words and books and whatever else you can do with words--maybe I should put them higher--I love words I take joy in the Grains of Rice game, I love books. Feed my brain, gimme more.
9. Smiles--maybe they're reflexive, but a smile or a kind word has literally made the difference between life and death at least in my world.
10. Heroes--people who speak out, stand up, do something. For a cause, for a person, for a reason--whatever. I admire that.

I'm sorry, Jim Thorpe is dead--or working for the State Blues

Mon, 12 Nov 2007 21:26:43 GMT

“Can I talk to Jim Thorpe, please?” the caller asks me after I’ve answered.

Note, the building we worked in was named after the famous Native American athlete, which caused a lot of confusion on our callers’ parts. Most thought Thorpe was either the governor or our supervisor. Come to think of it, we’d do well with that arrangement. Might have gotten more work out of him in BOTH positions.

“I’m sorry Mr. Thorpe’s not here right now,” I respond as kindly as I can. I always hated that response, btw. Our boss thought it was better to tell people that Thorpe was ‘not here’ rather than embarrass them by telling them that he was dead.

“Can I speak to someone with as much authority as Mr. Thorpe?” the woman demanded impatiently.

“I’m your girl,” I responded and did my best to help her solve her problem.

Another call, another day:

“Can I speak to Jim Thorpe?” the man asked.

“I’m sorry,” I again gave The Boss’ approved response. “He’s not in right now.”

“Do you know when he’ll be back?”

Now—how the hell do I answer that? “No,” I say.

“Can you take a message?”

At that point, I cannot take it anymore. I tell him Thorpe is dead. To heck with the Boss, he’s gone to the bathroom with newspaper in hand and I don’t expect to see him back for an hour—or two.

“Why’d you tell me he wasn’t there?”

“Two reasons,” I respond. “First, my boss told us to respond in this manner—and well, he’s really not here.”

The guy laughed. Thank God.

“Can I speak to Jim Thorpe?” another caller asks.

“I’m sorry, Ma’am, he’s dead,” I respond.

“Well, who’s the Governor now?” she asks.
“Can I speak to Jim Thorpe?” an older woman asks.

“I’m sorry, Ma’am, he’s deceased,” I tell her.

“Oh when? I’m so sorry to hear that.”

“1957,” I respond. She goes on to ask her question.

I get a call a few minutes later, the same woman asks me, “Did you know that Joyce Kilmer is dead?”

“Pardon?” I’m a bit startled by the question.

“The poet who wrote ‘Trees’,” she provides.

I’m thinking—well yeah, wasn’t the poem written in World War I, but I’ve learned not to say anything to make the caller feel dumb.

“Just thought you’d like to know,” the woman said.

“Thank you,” I tell her. “That’s really a shame.”

Well, really—what else can I say?

Cats are smarter than we think

Sat, 03 Nov 2007 12:53:54 GMT

Reese, aka the Psychomese, is on a diet. Since he feels he's being punished, he's got to spread the misery around. In this case, it means he's going to wake me up when the first holes appear in his food bowl--or when Dad gets up to go to work at 5:25 AM.

This morning he kindly allowed me to sleep til 7:45 since Dad didn't get up. So, I get up in my usual 'cheerful' manner and can't find one of my houseshoes.

Stepping out onto a hardwood floor even in autumn in a house chilled by a 'heat' pump is the surest way to invoke oaths if not early morning incontinence.

"If you were Lassie," I tell Reesie. "You'd go get my shoe." I sit on the edge of the bed, one foot in one shoe trying to think if my shaky equillibrium and slick floors would permit me to hop to find the shoe. Even with AM brain fog thick as San Francisco Bay's, I know this is liking skating on thin ice with a banana peel.

"Mrf," I hear from the door and turn my head to see the Psychomese with his mouth on my other houseshoe. He can't move it, but he told me where it was and I could reach it.

LOL--you think I should get that boy a dog cookie for the day? He's pretty smart--and yeah, he's worth getting up at o--d@mn-thirty in the morning to feed.

All bureaucrazies want is a nice day

Thu, 11 Oct 2007 21:49:10 GMT

Read it in "Cobweb" last night and now 20 years of banging my head against the wall working for the State now make sense. Between "Cobweb" (Stephenson) and "Halting State" (Stross), that time is beginning to make sense.

Governments don't want to solve problems, they want to manage them. If they solved them, they would go away. Then, there would be no need for them to exist. Critical to success of a government employee is to find a profile problem and 'own' it. That's job security. Even a nebulous issue with a lot of visibility can work.

You want to look busy, walk fast and carry a lot of files around. That used to work in the old days before the paperless office concept--but come to think of it, you still see files...and that keeps you away from your cube and gets some exercise.

Governments want to have a nice day. Yep, they don't want to hear bad news and they don't want to plan for it. It's a pretty vanilla existence til something does go wrong and you're fighting brush-fires all over the place without allocated resources.

No wonder I was perceived as negative when I tried to plan for contingencies. Nobody wanted to hear it. They wanted to deal with it when it happened--even if they weren't prepared.

If you don't do anything about a problem, it doesn't exist. Example: in "Cobweb" the Sheriff didn't arrest drunk drivers. Therefore, they didn't have a drunk driving problem; however, they did have the highest auto fatality rate in the State. Hmmmmm....maybe there was different funding for that problem....

Don't think or work outside your box. It doesn't matter if the issue stares you in the face. Even if you're right, even if your idea can save a lot of money, save lives, whatever, you're going to get 'cobwebbed' if you work outside of your assigned realm. Initiative is not a good thing. Curiosity didn't just kill the cat.

Days like today, I'm very grateful my sight got worse and I am eligible for early retirement. It took nearly 10 years away to open my eyes and understand just precisely why I was so frustrated and in tears so much of the time.

What kind of Daemon are you?

Tue, 09 Oct 2007 01:39:08 GMT

KOC Redux

Thu, 04 Oct 2007 19:16:35 GMT

Still don't think these people can find their asses with their hands tied behind their backs. I decided to call again and see if my records have been found. Pain's pretty inspiring, you know--and sleeping at night without dosing myself with a bunch of crap so I don't hurt, seems like it might be a good thing.

20 minutes later, they tell me they have my records from Dr. Graham. Now--do I believe them? I had to talk to the office supervisor--who, oh yeah, promised me 'faithfully' she'd get back to me in two weeks LAST YEAR. She didn't have the decency to even answer herself after they found out my records were there.

23 fricking YEARS of the stupid thing hurting. I'm sick to death of it. Sick to death of this godawful stupid place with these godawful stupid people.

Oh yeah and winter's coming. I get to stuff my socks in my shirt to keep the stupid bone warm. Oh joy---

I wish I had a river I could skate away on

Happiness---

Wed, 13 Jun 2007 14:40:43 GMT

A 'friend' informed me yesterday I was unhappy in Austin. She noted this because I bitched a lot. Apparently, I do that. Well, and one thing I would like to note is she's one of the reasons I'm here and it's easier to say I'm bitchy and unhappy and in need of help than to say that Knoxvile has problems or that my complaints are legit.

I wonder though---do I not note what I like and love as much as what I hate? Sounds reasonable if the stats on consumer satisfaction are true. One number I heard was you told 8 people you liked something and 22 people that you didn't. Hmmmm....

However, since Tony has made this post at one point, I've decided to say what I like--and don't--about the various cities we have lived in:

OKLAHOMA CITY

LIKE:

THE PEOPLE. Oklahomans are some of the most decent, friendly people around. When the Murrah Building blew up, they set the standard for treatment of emergency service workers and that standard was well-earned. Hours after the bombing, restaurants were donating meals, people were mobilizing with food and water. It was an amazing effort and continued to be so throughout the search.
OUR FRIENDS. I miss Bev, Kimber, Debbie, Kassy, Mike--they are longtime friends that just cannot be replaced.
VARIETY OF RESTAURANTS-SHOPPING. We weren't a one-horse town related to movie theatres. Near the end of our time there, most of what we went to Dallas to shop at was located in OKC. Now, I'd want a COSTCO and an IKEA, but it's possible. The supply of furniture on demand really had me spoiled.
ACCESSIBILITY. OKC was pretty easy to get out of with connections to I-40 and I-35. No big mess to get out of town, plus Dallas and Tulsa were pretty close.
PHONE SERVICE. I like Southwestern Bell (at the time) better than any other phone service we've had.
VETS. Several good ones to choose from--only one serious loser.
RACIAL ISSUES. Oklahoma was progressive compared to TN.

DON'T LIKE:

JOB MARKET. Let's face it at the time the big employers were Federal and State and it's still that way.
HANDICAPPED ACCESSIBILITY. None, at the time. Maybe better now, but I'm not holding my breath.
HOUSE. Okay, I really loved parts of it--like the bathroom, even though there was only one, my office, and the kitchen we remodeled. Plus the back porch, but it was always Tony's Grandmother's house (exorcism) and 1 bathroom, detached garage and Daddy dearest down the street.
HOUSING MARKET. At the time, the job market was such that really cool housing was not that affordable.
SHOWS. Stuff we wanted to see and do was always going to Dallas.
TAXES: If you walk, tehy'll tax your feet--literally...I do not want to live where there is a State AND Federal income tax again--UNLESS there is no sales tax like Oregon.

PORTLAND:

LIKE:

TRANSIT: Easy to use and understandable transit system.
THE SHOWS: Stuff came there. Amazing shows, amazing concerts. There was always something to do.
BOOKSTORES: Powells and so many indies it was hard to count.
THE BEAUTY: Noplace we've ever lived has been prettier.
PROXIMITY TO COOL STUFF: The beach, the mountains. Okay, not everything was an hour away like the tourist stuff said--but it was close and the drive was lovely.
DOWNTOWN: Best I've ever been in.
PORSFIS: I liked the way fandom was run there.
JOBS: At the time, there was plenty of high tech around. I don't know if it's the same now or not.
SHOPPING: In general, that'd get you in trouble. Lots of cool stuff.
VET: We did find a good one at the end and I am told there were others--just had to hunt them out. As a rule, a more 'animal concerned' area.
WALKING: People walked and you could get most places on foot--and the drivers wouldn't necessarily run you down if you had to be in the street, although I found that was seldom necessary.
POLITICS: While the lack of censorship bothered me, I mostly liked Oregon's political system (voting, liberality, etc) Where else can you have dignity in death, etc?

DISLIKE:

THE GREY: Who knew I was Seasonally Affective Depression? I grew up in a place with 327 days of sunshine before.
HOUSING: Costly, not in good condition, oil heated, hard to find a good place to live at an affordable price.
TRAFFIC: Geographic considerations made the city hard to get around in.
HEATING AND COOLING: Restaurants and theatres were not always comfortable.
NO SEASONING IN FOOD: Northern Tastebuds...
PEOPLE: Unfriendly--as in, would walk across the street if you said HI in some places.

AUSTIN:

LIKE:

HOME: Olana--Tony said we'd have to reset our dream house after we moved in. He was right, of course, Olana was not perfect, but through the years I lived there I always felt safe and happy in her. Okay, safe til the last 2-3 months and I realized why after the burglary problems. I loved her vaulted ceilings, open floor plan. I loved having an attached garage, two baths, I loved the live-oaks, my office.
PEOPLE: Friendly--lots of people I love there still.
POLITICS: Liberal for a red state. There was a lot of tolerance towards different views and lifestyles.
ACCESSIBILITY: While teh bus system was confusing--I don't like 'loop routes' the ride assist program was wonderful and the people were extremely helpful.
SHOPPING-RESTAURANTS, ETC: Generally, a good selection, save for grocery stores.
HOUSING MARKET: A lot of housing we'd like
SHOWS: A lot was Dallas or Houston, but there was Alamo, the Paramount, etc., too. And the Cactus was a great venue. Plus the IMAX.
VETS: No more needs to be said, but we had to have a bad one first, damnit.
TREES: Like oaks
UTLITIES: Back to SW Bell and I liked them for the most part. Also gas heat readily available.
DOCS: Liked most but 1 neuro and Tony's back doc

DISLIKE:

JOBS: Too much Dell
FANDOM: Too egghead, but getting better
TRAFFIC: EEP!
SEASONS: I missed them--but it was nice to be warm
ZOO: Wish we'd had one.
NON-ENGLISH SPEAKING POP: Could be a serious PITA and dangerous as well.
HEAT: Don't like being hot, but I htink I like being cold much less.
TAXES: High property tax--OUCH!

KNOXVILLE:

LIKES:

SEASONS: There are four of them and Spring and Fall usually pretty long.
SHOWS: I like the TN and the Bijou Theatres--good shows so far.
PROXIMITY: We're close in to a lot of things we do in town--saves on gas and wear and tear. Close to Mountains, etc. as well--ATL and BNA are 3 hours away. Chattanooga is cool.
TONY'S PHOTO GROUP: He loves it and I'm happy about that.
OLD TIMEY STUFF: Well there are waitresses on rollerskates and soda fountains and drive-ins, oh my!
BOOKSTORES: More franchise bookstores than we've had available.
SHOPPING: Some great locally owned shops--although some of them really do a heavy markup, which raises the cost of living.

DISLIKE:

HOUSE: The bitchlist is too long.
SOUTHERN: laid back seems lazy. I'm tired of dogging people and nagging. I'm afraid if I didn't nothing would get done.
NEIGHBORHOOD: How can I live so close to everything and know it's not safe to walk?
VETS: Major suck--even the rescue people say it.
STENCH: Too much smoke and perfume
POLITICS: I think the Gov has potential, but very RED
AIRPORT: Forgettaboutit...
ANIMALS: Pretty farm related..

That's it--now armed with this information, what seems to be important:

HOUSING: If I have a home I love, a lot of other things just are not that important.
DOCS: For both us and the pudders. I need a good MD,
opthalmologist and we need good vets.
TRANSPORTATION: Good light rail, bus, and ride-assist options, plus we need to be able to easily get out of town via air or car if needed.
SHOPPING: Bookstores, electronics, pet stores, pref a dollshop...
SHOWS: I'd like some of the big names to come to town--plus I love the smaller venues like Aladdin, Cactus, and Bijou.
ATTRACTIONS: One zing on Austin is the zoo. I loved the OKC Zoo, the PDX, and probably would like Knoxville's... Plus, IMAX, need a few good theatres that are not just regal and maybe a dinner theatre...
SHOPPING: Bookstores, furniture, electronics, petstores...
CLIMATE: Okay, i'd like temperate and sunny...LOL--I think I'd be okay with some cold IF I had a decent heating system. Hot's better than cold for me--I can cool off easier than get warm.